Potty Training Lessons This Mama Has Learned the Hard Way

We have been attempting to potty train for the past few months. I say "attempting" because some weeks I am ready to give it a go while other weeks I cower in the corner rocking back and forth. Two little girls are in charge of our financial, mental, physical and emotional well being. This twinfamily needs to free up some funds, know what I am saying? Time for two little bottoms to air out and proclaim "big girl status"! Time for this twinmama to get a break once in a while instead of being up to my elbows in dirty diapers! Time for our trash to only need emptied a couple times a week instead of everyday! Yet every time there is a massive puddle on the floor or I am dodging turds right and left on the carpet, I immediately retreat.

Danger! Danger! Toxic materials! Call in the HazMat team! We have a CODE RED, people!

And I think these brilliant little girls know that they hold the cards. They know they control how long this is going to go on. They know they have us by our throats and won't let go until we cry uncle.

I will win. I must win. They are very smart...good gene pool, what can I say? Heh, heh...But there is one thing they don't have...

GOOGLE! Yep, I am going to shameless scour the Internet for every single tidbit, advice and downright evil tactic to get these little girls to go running for the potty. I will keep you posted.

So, while I think of new ways to beat them at their own game, here are my lessons learned. (Notice I said, MY lessons learned. The girls' list would be much shorter.)

1. Never assume because you have done everything at the same time since your twins were born that this time will be the same. Peanut is interested in potty training. Jelly Bean is absolutely not.

2. Never send your child to time out when they are only wearing panties and are potty training. They have a secret weapon and they will use it. And you will spend more time cleaning up the mess than they did in time out.

3. Never assume that all "currency" works the same for all children. Some may like stickers, some may like M&M's.

4. Never assume that "currency" will keep its value indefinitely. Peanut has bored of stickers, so we switched to M&M's. I fear that she is boring of these, too...

5. Never switch to training pants such as Huggies Pull Ups if they are waaay cuter than their other diapers. Pretty pink Pull Ups with princesses on them will not make them want to wear panties any time soon. They will happily go pee and poo in these pretty training pants. No, they don't care about the blasted hearts or butterflies that disappear. They are smart enough to know when this happens, mommy is going to put a new Pull Up on them. Poof! There are more butterflies and hearts!

6. Never assume once your child tells you that she has to go potty for an entire day that she will keep this up.

7. Never assume that your child will care if you tell her she will be a "big girl" if she goes potty in the toilet. Some are completely happy being a baby and have no plans to change that. Why should they do all the work, when there is someone available to wipe their butt for them?

8. Never assume that children will be disgusted by poop and pee as you are. Puddles are puddles and all are fun to splash in.

9. Never assume because your child wakes up dry after nap time, tells you that she needs a diaper change, and if you don't get to her fast enough she strips, that she is ready for potty training. She is clearly messing with your head.

10. Never assume that just because most of your family and friends potty trained their children before the age of 2 that there is something wrong with your child. After all, that stubbornness had to come from somewhere...