Who Blazed the Wilderness Trail?

“Who blazed the Wilderness Trail?”

Sitting in my usual place at the kitchen table, I quietly sat with the textbook in hand and my head turning from one child to the other. Peanut sat chewing on the end of her pen, halfway sitting on the chair. Her mind looked like it was anywhere, but on pioneers heading to Kentucky. Jelly Bean, though focused, was putting all her efforts into drawing a picture on the back of her math worksheet. She proudly held it up one hand revealing a drawing of her holding a can of Sprite. My eyes scanned over to her other hand which held up the actual can.

“Nobody remembers? We talked about him at the beginning of the week!” My grumpiness was evident in response to the lack of participation. I was also not hiding a pounding headache very well. Maybe, I thought, if I didn’t think I was talking to just myself, I wouldn’t get a headache as often.

Jelly Bean pops up and yells out, “Johnny?” Immediately, Peanut decides to reinforce this answer with an echo of the same name.

“Don’t you remember?” As I summarized key facts about the pioneer in question, my mind began to wander. The word pioneer has been a part of my own understanding since I was a little girl. Studying early American History is typical in education. Early settlers who left the familiarity of their old home in search for new opportunities, freedoms, and prospects are the reason we even have this great country.

People who “risked it all” for a better way of life. People who had to literally start over from scratch with only the things they could handle during the move. Some arrived by large ships like the Mayflower. Others walked on foot or by horse as they traveled westward. As time went on, other modes of transportation would get people from one point to the other, but the result was always the same. These people went from point A to point B and started over.

We are getting ready to start over.

Soon we will pack up what little possessions we have left and we will travel across the border westward. We will blaze a new trail. Leaving everyone we know and love, we will venture out into the great unknown. Not knowing a soul, we will have to make our way to creating a new home. We will have to stretch out of our comfort zones and meet people.

Certainly the early pioneers faced many challenges. Our modern day challenges will pale in comparison. Yet, I sat there wishing that I could feel just a small measure of the bravery they had when they set out on their journey.

Suddenly, Peanut blurts out, “Daniel Boone!” She begins to chatter about the cool story we had learned about him tricking Indians who were trying to attack him.

My focus shifts back to our lesson as I scan over the questions and I stop at one that perks my interest.

“Okay, what would a man need to have in order to survive in the wilderness?” I secretly was waiting for smart alec answers like Doritos, chewing gum, or the iPad.

But instead my girls surprised me.

“An ax.”

“A gun.”

“A knife.”

“Food. Things to cook with.”

I nodded my approval and replied that these were all good things for them to have. Having all of these items would make it easier to eat, stay safe, and to set up a camp. I imagine that I would want all these things, too, if it were me.

Still the idea of packing up and leaving, unaware of what dangers lurk around, as well as what would be found upon arrival still baffled me. How could anyone just do that? Their way was so hard. How did they have the faith to just…go?

Later as I was settling into my evening after a busy day, I looked at my girls playing with each other. Everyone seemed at peace. As much time as we all spend together, being together is what we like best. A hopeful reply to my earlier answer settled in my mind. Family. That is why they could go. Often times, they went together.

A home isn’t a certain building on a certain street in a certain city of a certain state. Home is where your people are at. A family makes a home.

How can I have the faith to just…go? I can because as long as I have my husband and my daughters, I will always be at home no matter where the trail takes us.

Why Do You Homeschool?

For years, I pondered the idea of homeschooling my daughters. After all, I knew several friends who were homeschooling their children and they were doing it well. When I first started talking about it with my husband, my daughters were only three years old. We still had a couple years before we really needed to worry about it, but at the time we both agreed that we didn't have what it would take to homeschool our kids.

In our minds, homeschooling families were on-the-go, active, engaged families who went on field trips every day and were involved in everything. Surely in order to be successful at homeschooling, children need to be "socialized" and in order to do that, it takes an active family that purposefully initiates contact with the outside world on a regular, daily basis.

If the kids were not going to go to school Monday through Friday where they can be "properly" socialized, it would be up to us to ensure they receive these vital life lessons. There was just one problem with this. We are not what you call social people to be begin with.

We are introverts.

So, how could we responsibly give our children a well rounded educational experience when we were not the go-getting type of parents who would willingly and joyfully sign their kids up for every sport, activity, and hobby under the sun? These parents schedule back-to-back commitments with a smile and eagerness. Not only would they do that, they would be the coach, the parent volunteer, coordinate the ice cream social, and still have time to put a five course dinner on the table.

This idea scared me.

As I considered every excuse as to why I didn't qualify for being an adequate teacher for my children, I was reminded of these truths:

1. I loved my children more than anyone else in the world.

2. I cared about my children's education and their future more than anyone else in the world.

3. I would do whatever it took to ensure they received what they needed to develop in all aspects of their life in a way that was fitting for our family.

4. What they learned was important to me and ensuring that was founded on biblical truth.

5. Letting them explore who they were and letting education come naturally was important.

When I consider the truths listed above, it reminds me why I am homeschooling my children. And it is exciting to see how my kiddos have blossomed into more confident social creatures outside of the brick and mortar school. They are learning to engage people of all ages, to be kind to those younger than they, and find humility when they are not treated kindly back by those who have embraced the age/social pecking order of the public school world.

I am also learning the balance of homeschooling my children and not getting caught up in the doing-it-all mentality. Taking care of myself is a vital part of maintaining order in the household. While I am not always perfectly in line with my energy levels as an introvert and our daily workload, I remind myself why we are doing what we are doing. All I have to do is remember, and the idea of homeschooling doesn't scare me anymore.

Are You Going to Have Anymore?

Recently, I have been asked the question, "Are you going to have anymore children?" It seems lately this has been asked of me more and more. I guess since the girls are almost three years old it is a good time for us to be thinking about it. Or at least everyone else thinks so.

I have several friends and family members who are having #3. This is the most children anyone in my life have. Three is a good number although I suspect several of my friends may go for more children. They are good, patient parents and if God blesses it, I am sure they will happily make room for more.

I grew up with two old brothers so I came from a family of three children. Three makes sense to me. Twindada grew up with one older brother, so two's company for him. Before our girls were born, we joked about how many we would have. When we were trying to get pregnant, we wanted a big family. Our version of big was possibly five kiddos. When we were finally carrying the twins, we joked that we would just get pregnant with another set of twins and have four kids. Once the girls were born, we said we would prefer NOT to have another set of twins and who knows what the future brings. (Translation: We were shell shocked and why in the world would we want to do this all over again? Fertility treatment, roller coaster pregnancy, hospitalization, bed rest, NICU time, first three months, next 9 months, next 1 1/2 years....)

Crazy!!

They are so much hard work! They take over your world! They are the reason I toss and turn, worrying about them, praying for them and obsessing over their well being! They have multiplied the number of gray hairs on my head by 50! They want me to pull my hair out!!

Guess what? I love it.

Guess what? I couldn't imagine it any other way.

Guess what? Maybe there is room for more.

Now, I am not making any announcements. Our world has been turned upside down this year with the loss of a job and other challenges. This is certainly not the right time for us, but maybe, just maybe that one day God will bless us with more.

I am over thinking about how hard the beginning was because frankly all that hard work is so worth it. When my girls smiled at me for the first time, it was amazing. When my girls started saying "Dada" it warmed my heart. When the girls started walking, I was proud (and scared).

Now the girls are absorbing everything. They are singing, playing pretend instruments, learning, wanting to do things for themselves. I am in awe how my 2 little preemies have turned into 2 amazing little independent girls who are happy and have a love of all things they come into contact with everyday.

When I eavesdrop on them having a conversation with each other, it is so sweet. I love to hear them giggling with each other and I love when they melt in my arms. I love how they want to do everything by themselves, "I want to do it myself!" and when they need me, they come sweetly saying, "Mommy, do it..."

All of this reminds me how wonderful it is to be a mother. And when I think about my beautiful little girls, I know that if God gave me enough love for two babies in a single moment, there may just be enough room for more.

Only time will tell.

Is It Really Double?

I heard a lot when I was carrying twins that we were in for twice the work - twice the diapers, twice the bottles, twice the baths...well, twice the everything. People would say, "It is like having one baby, but double the work." This seemed logical to me because I was carrying two children and that made perfect sense.

Then I gave birth to twins and brought them home from the hospital.

It was during those first three months that I decided that all of these people had no idea what they were talking about. All those people who appropriately spaced out their children so they were able to enjoy each of them individually. Yeah, those people, you know who you are...:)

I remember the first three months were filled with various emotions. I was thrilled that both Peanut & Jelly Bean were healthy and doing great. That was the blessing. I was thrilled because I was the mother of two beautiful little girls which was a huge surprise the day they were born. I was thrilled because my dream of being a mother had finally come true and that God blessed my prayers. No complaints from this twinmama, I am blessed! However, the first three months were also the roughest three months of my life. I was sleep deprived beyond imagine. I was overwhelmed beyond imagine. I was hormonal beyond imagine. I was confused...well, beyond imagine.

The work involved with caring for twin infants is well beyond double the work. Yes, there are double the diapers, bottles and clothing, but it is more than that. No one speaks about the "third" child known as "inconvenience, logistical nightmare and do-overs". Let me explain...

I remember watching my friends who could easily transport their sweet little mobile baby wherever they went. Want to go to the store? No problem! Grab the baby and pack the diaper bag and off you go! Want ME, a mother of twins, to go to the store? Okay, let me grab both babies, hold on, they are getting heavy in their car seats and the diaper bag is crammed full, you know, at least 2 sets of clothes, diapers, 2 sippy cups...wait a minute, I can't carry both car seats and the diaper bag to the car, so I need to take each one to the door and then come back and oh no, Peanut just spit up on her outfit...wait a minute, let me change her, but wait Jelly Bean is already in the car. So I go back and get Jelly Bean because I am paranoid and don't want her alone for more than a minute and then I finally change Peanut and go to put her in the car, but wait! Jelly Bean just pooped in her diaper. Crap. Yeah, that's what's in there alright. Go back for Peanut to bring her back in the house. Change Jelly Bean. I am really tired now. You know, sleep deprivation, right? FORGET IT!! I will just call twindada and have him pick up a pizza for dinner...

It's is more than double the work. It takes some time to figure out how to manage all of the demands, the logistics and emotions that make up the twin life. Each new stage presents new challenges, but it is also amazing how twin parents (and other multiple parents) are able to overcome each hurdle. I figured out how to plan my time better. I learned to not sweat the spit ups and unexpected diaper changes. I learned to recognize that this is hard work and that it is okay to ask for help. I learned that "this too shall pass" and once it is over, I will miss it. And even as hard as those first three months were, I would love to hold my 4 lb twin preemies one more time.

Potty Training Lessons This Mama Has Learned the Hard Way

We have been attempting to potty train for the past few months. I say "attempting" because some weeks I am ready to give it a go while other weeks I cower in the corner rocking back and forth. Two little girls are in charge of our financial, mental, physical and emotional well being. This twinfamily needs to free up some funds, know what I am saying? Time for two little bottoms to air out and proclaim "big girl status"! Time for this twinmama to get a break once in a while instead of being up to my elbows in dirty diapers! Time for our trash to only need emptied a couple times a week instead of everyday! Yet every time there is a massive puddle on the floor or I am dodging turds right and left on the carpet, I immediately retreat.

Danger! Danger! Toxic materials! Call in the HazMat team! We have a CODE RED, people!

And I think these brilliant little girls know that they hold the cards. They know they control how long this is going to go on. They know they have us by our throats and won't let go until we cry uncle.

I will win. I must win. They are very smart...good gene pool, what can I say? Heh, heh...But there is one thing they don't have...

GOOGLE! Yep, I am going to shameless scour the Internet for every single tidbit, advice and downright evil tactic to get these little girls to go running for the potty. I will keep you posted.

So, while I think of new ways to beat them at their own game, here are my lessons learned. (Notice I said, MY lessons learned. The girls' list would be much shorter.)

1. Never assume because you have done everything at the same time since your twins were born that this time will be the same. Peanut is interested in potty training. Jelly Bean is absolutely not.

2. Never send your child to time out when they are only wearing panties and are potty training. They have a secret weapon and they will use it. And you will spend more time cleaning up the mess than they did in time out.

3. Never assume that all "currency" works the same for all children. Some may like stickers, some may like M&M's.

4. Never assume that "currency" will keep its value indefinitely. Peanut has bored of stickers, so we switched to M&M's. I fear that she is boring of these, too...

5. Never switch to training pants such as Huggies Pull Ups if they are waaay cuter than their other diapers. Pretty pink Pull Ups with princesses on them will not make them want to wear panties any time soon. They will happily go pee and poo in these pretty training pants. No, they don't care about the blasted hearts or butterflies that disappear. They are smart enough to know when this happens, mommy is going to put a new Pull Up on them. Poof! There are more butterflies and hearts!

6. Never assume once your child tells you that she has to go potty for an entire day that she will keep this up.

7. Never assume that your child will care if you tell her she will be a "big girl" if she goes potty in the toilet. Some are completely happy being a baby and have no plans to change that. Why should they do all the work, when there is someone available to wipe their butt for them?

8. Never assume that children will be disgusted by poop and pee as you are. Puddles are puddles and all are fun to splash in.

9. Never assume because your child wakes up dry after nap time, tells you that she needs a diaper change, and if you don't get to her fast enough she strips, that she is ready for potty training. She is clearly messing with your head.

10. Never assume that just because most of your family and friends potty trained their children before the age of 2 that there is something wrong with your child. After all, that stubbornness had to come from somewhere...

Forget The Self Help Books

It has come to my attention that as I think about my personal goals this week, I realize that one thing that won't be a weekly challenge as part of TLC is that I will never read a self help book. It isn't like there aren't good books out there to read, but all that I really need to know about myself, I can learn from my kids.

I was taken back recently at how much my girls are little sponges and literally imitate my words, mannerisms or actions. This is endearing and frightening all at the same time. It really isn't until we have children, do we really know ourselves. They are two little mirrors running around my house and every time I look at them, I realize how much they are learning from me. And by them learning from me, I am learning about myself.

There is this PBS public service announcement where a mom is frantically running around trying to get dinner cooked while the kids are hanging out. It is clear she is stressed out and gets involved in so many tasks that she ends up burning dinner. At that point, she has a decision to make on how she is going to respond to the stress of the moment. Does she scream with frustration? Does she throw something? Does she walk out of the room? She has a decision to make and she better make it a good one. Why? Because the kids are watching.

...gulp...

Ever make the wrong decision?

I know that have. I have gotten mad and stressed out and about ready to freak out and then see two little pairs of eyes watching me. How I deal with stress is really going to shape how they are going to deal with stress. If I don't teach them to take a breath, think through an issue and re-tackle it with a positive attitude, then they will only learn to stomp off, cry, scream or snap at others. If no one teaches them, how can they learn?

Also, I realize that some of the things that I do are quite annoying. Like for instance, if someone is getting into something they are not supposed to get into, I will lead them away from it and if they resist, I will tell them to, "Go!" Well, this seemed like the right thing to do until one day when Peanut approached me, nudged my knee and said, "Go, Go!" My reply was, "No, you go!" She came back with another, "Go, Go" along with a finger pointed at me. Sigh.

Now the girls are telling the dogs to hush all the time. It doesn't matter if the dogs are barking or not. The dogs get told to "Hush!" and I am sure that is quite annoying for them. Where did they learn that at? Me. When the dogs start barking, I will get after them. Again, it seemed like the right thing to do until Jelly Bean pointed her finger (again, the finger point, ugh!) and told Sydney to "Hush!" when the poor dog was just walking across the dining room.

Okay, so I clearly need to stop pointing my fingers. I don't like it when people point their fingers at me - why would I teach them that? Did I know I was teaching them that? No. But that is the point. I don't know what I am teaching them at any given minute. They are going to pick up the good and the bad.

So, while I am teaching them their numbers, colors and ABC's, this year I have to be more mindful of the little things they are learning as well. I want them to know how to handle a stressful situation. I want them to learn how to communicate effectively with others.

How I handle these things makes the difference as to whether the girls learn them or not. And if I am not getting something right, my girls will let me know.

I'm A Mean Mom

The other day I had a conversation with someone who was explaining to me that another mother was having a hard time with her child. After much frustration, she would just give in and give the child whatever he or she wanted. She said, "I just want to make my child happy."

My immediate response to this was, "You should never do that!" Immediately, we started laughing because of what I said. It sounded harsh and funny for me to even go there, but perhaps there is some truth to me saying this.

Now, I absolutely love to see my children happy. I can't wait for Santa Claus to swing by and to see their little faces as they open their presents. (We are having a Dora the Explorer Christmas - so much of what they are getting is Dora that they will probably not like Dora anymore!) And I love to watch twindada play with them and watch them giggle wildly as he gets on the floor with them and flies them through the air or they use him as a big play gym. I can't wait until this spring when we can go to the zoo and see all the baby animals. I know that will make them very happy and because of that, I will be very happy.

The type of "happy" that I don't like is when parents give in to their kids to the point where it is turning them into brats or putting them on a path to an unsafe or unhealthy life. I don't think that it is wise to always allow your child that extra cookie (for example) every time they ask for one. This type of indulgence is setting the child up for a) thinking they can have anything they want at anytime and b) creating unhealthy eating habits.

I am all for picking our battles. I know that as parents there are times when we just break and can't deal with the whining one more minute so sticking a cookie in the child's mouth is the best option at that moment. I get this. I have been there before and know that I will be there again...probably sooner than I would like.

However it's important to consider a question when it comes to parenting and it is this, "Who is running the show?" If a child makes one peep and every person over 5 feet tall jumps, then the answer is obvious. I have heard of parents who are almost afraid of their kids and don't want to see them cry or freak out. Just watch The Nanny on television. I sit there in amazement wondering how parents could let that child get that bad. I know that all families have struggles and kids go through stages where they are unruly and difficult to correct, but I also know that issues have to be dealt with and not ignored which seems to be the common thread for all of the families on this show.

Sweeping things under the rug and allowing a child to get away with anything won't make them happy for very long because they will get bored. If a child is always getting a cookie, then next time, they will know they can cry and get a candy bar or a car or whatever. Of course, it is okay to give our children things, but it needs to be justified or because we think they deserve it, not because they told us they want it and want it now. When we give a child something they don't deserve, not only do they not give anything in return, but they actually lack respect for their parents.

So, I am a mean mom, proudly speaking. My kids are quite young and already the testing of the waters has begun. Peanut asks me all day long for a cookie. She is very sweet about it and I could really indulge her and give her one each time she asks, but we wouldn't have any left for the rest of the week! So, instead, I tell her "no", but then at designated snack times, she is allowed the cookie she waited patiently for all day. Some parents are probably thinking, "Oh, c'mon! It is just a silly cookie! Give it to her!" Well, I say that withholding that silly cookie until it is time to enjoy it is far better and tastier than the 10 cookies she would possibly shovel into her mouth all day. And it is far better for me and twindada that she understands there are rules and we expect her to follow them.

It isn't a perfect science especially with very young children. They are by the very nature of being babies the most egocentric beings on this planet. They truly believe that the world revolves around them. No other child or adult comes close to importance in their eyes. That is why setting ground rules for what is tolerated and what is not is essential for a twin parent. I don't solely love Peanut. I also equally love Jelly Bean. What I do for one or don't do for one, I have to do for the other. I work really hard to be fair to the girls and treat them equally as this is an important part of my mission as a mother of twins. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fall short, but I keep a conscious effort to try.

Being a mean mom means loving my children enough to know the difference between the child that cries who needs something and the child that cries who wants something. I really don't let crying bother me too much. I have had many times over the past couple of months where one of my girls has flopped down on the floor for a good old fashion tantrum and I just walk over and make sure that toys are out of her way and she is safe and then I let her do what she has to do. I don't respond or even let her think she has an audience. In seconds, the tantrum is over and she goes back to normal play. No biggie. Life goes on. And she still didn't get what she wanted.

It's working now...will it work in the future? Hard telling...but one thing that I have learned over the past 22 months is stay consistent. If something is clearly not working, then of course I re-direct my efforts to better ways of dealing with the issue. I do consult moms that I respect and ask for advice, ask my doctor (she rocks) and then I remember who I am dealing with and tailor it around that personality type. However if I don't stay consistent enough, there is massive confusion. Children don't "magically" know the ground rules like you and I do. And we didn't "magically" know them when we were their age either. We were told what is expected of us and it became ingrained into our heads to the point that it is common knowledge for us, but to a little one this is whole new stuff. That is why children test and why when children are shown the boundaries respond better than those who are given a free-for-all.

So, again, I am a mean mom. I love my kids, I want them to be happy, but I won't compromise their development by giving into their every indulgence. When my girls are older and someone asks them to describe their mom, I would love to hear these 3 words - tough, fair and loving.

Tough - "Mom was strict sometimes, but she was reasonable, we respected her and know she did it for our advantage."

Fair - "We never had to worry that Mom loved someone more than the other. She gave her heart equally to us both."

Loving - "She loved us more than her own breath. She cuddled us, kissed us and made sure that we knew how special we were to her every day."

I love them enough to know that the proper placements of "Yes's" and "No's" will only help them to grow into healthy, well manner adults.

Isn't that what we are trying to do anyway?