Saturday, July 26, 2008

I Just Knew

From the "Looking Back" Series...

The days after the positive pregnancy tests (commonly referred to on the Internet as BFP - big fat positive) were exciting and nerve-wracking. I was thrilled that I was pregnant again, but also leary having just been through the miscarriage three months prior. My husband and I decided to cautiously approach this pregnancy, not wanting to get our hopes up. I called the doctor's office the day after taking the tests and was able to get in for blood work. I had gone to my midwife for the first pregnancy, but ended going to one of the doctors for the testing. I really don't know completely why I switched. I know a doctor performed my D&C and gave me the second round of Clomid, too, so I guess I just thought I would go to the doctor intially and then switch back to my midwife.

It was after the first blood work was drawn that I started feeling kind of strange. Something felt different than the first pregnancy. I was feeling quite anxious lying awake in bed for hours in the middle of the night with my mind racing. I couldn't concentrate on anything at work or at home. I was completely exhausted and dragging throughout the entire day. I couldn't eat chicken or turkey anymore, the thought of it made me very nauseous. All of these symptoms were very early on in the pregnancy. I met my husband in the hallway the day before the second round of bloodwork was going to take place. "Things feel strange." I volunteered to him. "Like what?" He replied. "Well, this may sound crazy, but this pregnancy feels different. And it may be because the other pregnancy ended as a miscarriage, but this one feels...I don't know..." I could barely get out what I was going to say. He stood waiting for me to say it and then it finally hit me. "Like there is more than one baby." I couldn't believe what I had said and it felt so silly saying it. He quietly considered what I had said and didn't react in any way. He just said, "Okay." It was a surprising reaction because I think that he really believed me. That in itself was odd...

So the second round of bloodwork was finally drawn and when I called for the results it came back that the pregnancy was progressing. Progressing quite well actually. HcG levels are expected to double in about 2-3 days. Mine quadrupled in 2 days. That was strange. Now, I have read on several message boards that everyone has their own experiences with this, so quadrupling in 2 days does not always means twins, but with the feelings that I was having it seemed like another piece of the puzzle fitting into place.

With the bloodwork confirmed, we were relieved that everything looked like it was off to a good start. Now, we only had 35 weeks to go! (Finding out early makes for a very loooong pregnancy!) Our relief was short lived when one day I started spotting. I remember freaking out and bawling all the way to my husband who lead me to our bed and told me to think positive and lay down. The previous miscarriage began with spotting so I was completely terrified that it was happening again. I called the doctor who brought me in for a check up. After looking everything over, he said that everything appeared fine, but had me have an ultrasound a couple days later. Here we go again...

My pregnancy symptoms were still quite strong even though I was spotting. I tried to stay positive, but I wasn't completely successful at it. I was anxious to have the ultrasound done, but also dreading any bad news. To make it worse, my husband couldn't go with me due to work so I was faced to go alone to find out what was happening. When the day came, I laid on the ultrasound table and prayed that everything was going to be okay. I knew that my faith in Christ had gotten me through the last couple of years of trying and waiting and suffering with the miscarriage. The ultrasound tech started scanning me and found a little blob on the screen. She began searching for the little flicker that was called the heartbeat and there it was. She calmly pointed out the heartbeat and then began measuring everything. I remember asking if everything looked okay and she commented that so far everything looked fine. When she was starting to finish up the scan, I remember my heart kind of sinking. Only one? What about all my strange feelings? I remembered laying in bed in the middle of the night trying to come up with two names. Why two? So, as things began to wrap up, I let out my little confession to her, "This may sound crazy, but I really thought you were going to say there were two in there. But I am sure everyone wonders that, right?" The tech looked at me quickly saying "Not everyone" and immediately started scanning me again. Suddenly she let out a soft gasp and said, "I was wrong. There are two." "WHAT?" Her statement, though I felt like it was the truth, to hear it said by her was alarming. She began measuring my second little blob and I laid there my mind racing, my heart about to beat out of my chest and I felt so incredibly excited.

Second little blob's heartbeat looked good, too. The tech gave me pictures and I stepped out of her room into the busy hallway of the doctor's office where I ran into my midwife. She smiled and came over to see what was obviously ultrasound pictures in my hand. "Let me see your baby!" She exclaimed. There, it was the first time I got to say it, "I have two babies." She got excited and pointed to a young mother with a newborn walking down the hallway. "That is going to be you...times two!!"

When I got home, I sat studying the pictures of my little ones for a long time. I eagerly awaited my husband coming home for work. When I saw his vehicle pull up, I braced myself for how I was going to not only tell him that the pregnancy was fine, but that it was better than fine. He walked in and I calmly asked him to come sit on the couch. He looked nervous, so I immediately told him that everything looked good so far. That helped to calm him down and so I asked him if he wanted to see the pictures. He shook his head yes and so I put them out in front of him and said, "Meet your children. There are two." His face softened as he grabbed the pictures. He didn't say anything for a moment and then replied, "When I pulled up to the house, I had this thought that you were going to tell me that we were having twins...I guess after our conversation in the hallway, it got me thinking...You knew. How did you know?" He looked at me perplexed. I smiled and shook my head saying, "I don't know. I just knew."

No comments: