Thanks, Dad

In October, it had been 15 years since my Dad died. I typically tend to ignore the fact that my Dad died in October and get through the month without any sad recourse. However around this time of year, all of those emotions come flooding my heart and force me to consider the fact that he isn't here anymore.

I always thought that every year it would be easier to deal with - that if time heals all wounds then I should not be sad anymore. Life goes on. And I thought the sting of not having someone in my life anymore - even a person who gave me life - well, I would eventually just move on.

In some ways, I guess I have. I got through high school, graduated from college, found the love of my life, did well in my chosen profession and then had two very wonderful little girls who I now get to stay home and raise. I haven't let grief stop me from being the very best version of me because Dad didn't raise me like that.

Mom and Dad both always told me and my brothers that we could do anything that we set our minds to. I think this is very sound advice because it builds up a child to know he or she can be anything, but there is one condition: You must work hard for it and believe in it. Without this, it is impossible to really persevere at anything. I think this advice is so incredibly amazing because in everything that I have ever really wanted to do, I have succeeded. And I know it's because my parents taught me to not ask for hand outs or expect that I would be perfect at everything. (This is something that I am concerned younger generations don't quite grasp with the "give me, give me right now" attitudes.) Instead my parents have always lifted us up to believe that hard work produces good results and to strive for the very best versions of ourselves.

I asked my Mom last weekend what Dad would think of the fact that we named Peanut after him. Her real first name was my Dad's middle name. She said that he would have loved it. It was a bold move naming a child after someone that I miss dearly because I have a daily reminder of my Dad. I try to imagine what my Dad would be like with all of his grandchildren.

Dad was a hard working man. He worked his tail off to provide for us. We always had what we needed and a few things that we wanted. It was a modest upbringing, but one where I never felt like I was neglected in anything with the exception of one: My Dad's time. He worked so hard to make ends meet for us that he was literally spent by the time he got home from work. As a working adult, I now understand this. If he wasn't working, he was fixing something or helping someone else out. He was always on the go.

When he got sick and ended up in the hospital, he had a moment of realization where he told my mom that things were going to be different. He was going to spend less time working and more time with his family. I remember being so excited thinking this was huge for our family - we would actually go on vacations and he would be around. And then one day during a routine procedure, he passed away.

All of those hopes that this was merely a turning point in his life and not the end of his life were gone. He had realized the one thing that was the most important part of this thing called life, but it was too late. We were left devastated and broken. Something that I don't think any of us have ever really gotten over.

I remember at his funeral as we were driving to the cemetery, this little voice called out to me. It said, this is the end of the first chapter of your life. Tomorrow begins chapter two. It is time to make some decisions about how you are going to live YOUR life. And so at that moment, I knew what I was going to set my mind to. I was going to college.

Now, I didn't make the very best decisions in chapter two. I became quite the self destructive type because of my grief. I turned from God and I shook my fist at Him and decided that I would follow my own path. I would go my own way and it didn't matter if it hurt me or not. I was already hurting.

Luckily, God had other plans for me. He helped me to dodge a huge bullet in marrying the wrong person. He pulled me away from people who were out to hurt me and take advantage of me. He gave me direction on how to find my profession and make a good living. And then he gave me the gift of a lifetime...my husband and children.

My husband had pulled away from God, too. He was questioning the bible and it's legitimacy, but he grew up with God-loving family members as I had. We made a lot of of bad decisions together, but God never gave up on us. He worked on us until there was nothing left of our stubbornness and we humbly fell before Him.

Lately I have been thinking about the advice my Dad gave to me. When I was little, I used to think that it meant that if I want to be a doctor or a lawyer or any other profession, with hard work I could be. And perhaps that is what he meant, too. But now, as I sit here in my home with my little ones, I have a whole new appreciation for this advice. For it doesn't just fit how to approach a career, but how to approach life.

I am setting my mind to being the very best mother and wife possible. And I know it takes more than luck to accomplish this. I have to set my mind to being there for them, loving them, disciplining them constructively and most importantly, setting them on a path to make the best decisions for their lives. A path that is not all their own, like I stumbled down. But a path that God prepares and holding His hand,they are able to set their minds to do what may seem impossible for Him.

This time of year, I miss my Dad. I miss him because of the time we had and the time that we didn't have. But I remember this time of year is also a celebration for my other Father. My Lord, who came into this world as a sweet little baby only be hung on a wooden cross short years later to His death. My Father who I have never hugged in a physical sense, but lives forever and loves me enough to redeem me and never give up on me.

During chapter two, I felt fatherless. I felt cheated and alone. I had a father, but he was no more on this earth, but in heaven now. It was a dark time in my life, but thankfully, I was saved to move into the next chapter of my life. And in this life, I have a Father. He loves me and I love Him. He will never leave me.

Just as I am setting my mind to be the best mother and wife, I am going to be the best child of God, too.

That is the least I can do for my Dad.

TLC Coming January 4th, 2009!

As previously posted, in 2009 Bringing Up Twins is kicking off "Twinmama's Lifestyle Challenge" on Sunday, January 4th, 2009. Here are the details once again:

1. Every Sunday, I will post my one new challenge for the week. It will be a small thing that I am either giving up, a habit that I am trying to adopt or a modification to perhaps a previous challenge that needed tweaking (though I hope this is rare.)

2. Challenges will start officially on Monday and continue indefinitely. Even though there is a new challenge each week, the idea is to build on the challenges. Therefore, week 1 challenge continues even when week 2 challenge begins. I am trying to build habits and make small changes that will produce effective results for overall goals.

3. Bringing Up Twins readers are invited to participate in the challenges each week or follow their own challenge. I know my goals may not be the same as others, so if you would like to be a part of TLC, but don't like the challenges, by all means, create your own and go for it!

4. I will share my previous week's results with you all and invite you to do the same. When I post the new challenge on Sunday, I will share my results of the previous week's challenge and any other highlights to past challenges as appropriate. You are free to make any comments about the challenges. Also, if you create your own challenge, I would love to know what it was. It may become a future challenge for me, who knows!

Have you thought about it? Are you in? So, for $19.95 a month, you can be part of this amazing program...Ha! Did I get you? There are NO fees, commitment cards, raising your right arm and promising your first born, nothing. Just join when you want to or read along while I try to make some positive lifestyle changes to get inspired (or laugh at me, it's okay, I am sure it will be humorous.)

So, get ready for 52 little ways to help make 2009 the best year ever! Remember, the challenge starts Sunday, January 4th, 2009! (Hmmm...wonder how many times I can say that....)

Twinmama's Lifestyle Challenge (TLC)!

Do you need a little "TLC" next year? Are you ready to make resolutions for 2009 and are hoping you can keep them? Are you optimistic that next year just HAS to be better than this year?

I think there are a lot of people that are going through tough times right now. Some people will attempt to make New Year's resolutions while others will say, "Why bother? I never keep them anyway!"

No matter what camp you fall into when it comes to New Year's resolutions, allow me to give you a third, intriguing option. For about two months, I have been pondering a way to kick 2009 off with smart, healthful decisions and making changes to my life that will help me to be the best version of myself. Then it occurred to me that if I chronicle this journey, I would put myself out there thus making it REALLY difficult to slough off. Well, I am all about a little self-inflicted pain.

Then I thought, "Wow, if I post my journey, maybe others will want to come along for the ride."

And that is where you come in.

I am not suggesting that my loyal readers NEED to make any changes, by all means, I already know you are all perfect because you have impeccable tastes seeing as you read my blog. (Tee Hee) I just know as mothers we are quite the busy folk and usually we are the last people that we tend to take care of between the husbands and the children. I have not taken care of myself the way that I need to do for a very long time and I am ready for a change.

I am also not suggesting we come up with a list of New Year's resolutions and all of us try to muddle through them until we fail about early February. Personally, I think that resolutions are a joke and usually people bite off way more than they can chew and are destined to fail. I know that I have purchased a many gym memberships in January and by February, I never take out my gym member card ever again. (But, I still am required to pay the monthly fee that I contracted myself into. Nice, huh?)

What I am suggesting is in making very small lifestyle changes that can benefit our health, emotional well-being, our finances, our families, our faith, our hobbies or professional endeavours. Tiny little "tweaks" if you will, that will help to adjust our lifestyles and help us reach our goals in a much less painful way.

So here is Twinmama's Lifestyle Challenge (TLC) plan:

1. Every Sunday, I will post my one new challenge for the week. It will be a small thing that I am either giving up, a habit that I am trying to adopt or a modification to perhaps a previous challenge that needed tweaking (though I hope this is rare.)

2. Challenges will start officially on Monday and continue indefinitely. Even though there is a new challenge each week, the idea is to build on the challenges. Therefore, week 1 challenge continues even when week 2 challenge begins. I am trying to build habits and make small changes that will produce effective results for overall goals.

3. Bringing Up Twins readers are invited to participate in the challenges each week or follow their own challenge. I know my goals may not be the same as others, so if you would like to be a part of TLC, but don't like the challenges, by all means, create your own and go for it!

4. I will share my previous week's results with you all and invite you to do the same. When I post the new challenge on Sunday, I will share my results of the previous week's challenge and any other highlights to past challenges as appropriate. You are free to make any comments about the challenges. Also, if you create your own challenge, I would love to know what it was. It may become a future challenge for me, who knows!

So, are you in? Okay, you don't have to decide right now. I will give you time to think about it. And you can jump in at any point next year, I am not going to make you sign a gym membership contract, I promise. Also, I will write multiple posts on this subject throughout the month of December to get everyone geared up. (So eat up those Christmas cookies now! Game over in January! Ha, just kidding it won't be that bad, I promise.)

I plan on starting the challenge on Sunday, January 4th, 2009. Mark your calendars!