Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Case of The Lurking Poop Cloud

It was a boring afternoon. No cases had come my way. I sat in front of my laptop, cruising around on my favorite blogs. Thank God for creative mothers out there to entertain, enlighten and inform me. You know who you are.

Being a detective takes considerable work. I have had to solve mysteries every day since becoming a mom. My most recent case was the missing sippy cup. It was clear that one was missing because twinmamas don't have odd numbers of anything. So, when I was washing sippy cups that had stacked up in the sink and realized there were five...well, that put me into my super sleuthing mode. I got my magnifying glass out and searched the house.

I scanned the playroom for the obvious spots, but my nemesis - the psyche of 21 month old babies - was making sure that I wouldn't discover it. I looked under the couches, the toy shelf and in the toy bins. No sippy cup. As it got late, this private eye called it quits. The case would be there for another day and it was. After breakfast the girls were playing in the room and as I tidied up the kitchen, I happened check in on the girls only to find the missing cup now in the hands of Peanut while she drank the day old who knows what that was still inside it. Never figured out where it was found, but it was promptly confiscated and taken in for questioning. It never confessed.

So, on this day while I was sitting around commenting on my favorite blogs, I was taken back by a cry from a damsel in distress. A moment later, it was followed by another damsel in distress crying. I got up and went upstairs to check on my little duo, but before I could hit the top step, the strongest, gaseous fume smacked me in the face.

It became quite evident the reason why the damsels were in distress. I was now in distress. No man or beast could breath in the presence of this bio hazard. The dogs wouldn't even come upstairs. I made my way to the girls to find them both hanging over the edge of their cribs. I stopped to check out the crime scene before I entered it. Nothing looked suspicious or out of ordinary, just some stuffed animals. Wait! They are all just stuffed animals, right? It does smell like something died in here.

I knew this was a hot case and it had to be resolved quickly for everyone's sake. I decided to inquire who the poop culprit was by asking, "Who poo-pooed?" Both girls stared at me with blank expressions until Peanut grabbed her diaper and said, "Poo Poo." Ah, ha! I have found the guilty party, this case is solved!

However during the diaper change, I discovered that she must have been a decoy because there was no poop to be seen. She was willing to take the fall for her sister, that was big of her, but now I could get her on accessory to releasing a lethal odor. That carried a harsh penalty of having to endure a diaper change while she wanted to play.

Next, I picked up Jelly Bean and decided to interrogate her. "Did you poopy?" I asked. She looked at me, but wouldn't answer. This is highly suspect because she knows more words than Peanut so she probably could answer. She was playing hardball with me. So, I inquired again and she looked at me and gave me her most maniacal laugh, "Heh, heh, heh!" It was at this point that I realized that I had the right lead to the source of this offensive odor.

I prepared myself for the changing of the toxic diaper, but I really should have called in a HazMat team. It was going to be big and a doozy. As I pulled the diaper off, I suddenly found absolutely nothing in the diaper...what?

The case was building now. If neither baby had pooped in their diaper, where did the poop cloud over the room come from? I knew that I would have to investigate further, but fortunately I didn't have to. As I began to wipe Jelly Bean clean, I see a little poop kernel fall from her bottom. It was tiny...but the deadly source of all the nastiness that was in the room.

"That's it?" I looked at Jelly Bean. She giggled as I wrapped up the diaper. I immediately removed it from the area and took the offensive diapers to the trash can outside. The case is solved and clean air fills the upstairs once again.

So another mystery is revealed. As a mother, I am often trying to figure out how to do something for my kids or how to make a situation or routine better. I think this does make me have to put on my detective's hat and solve the case. Often, I learn what works and what doesn't work and how to approach a certain situation.

And I have learned from this case...my kids really need to potty train...

6 comments:

mrsbear said...

Mysterious indeed. We had a similar experience the other night while we were out. We were positive our little one had a loaded diaper, but nope, it was just a toxic fart cloud. Nice detective work. ;-)

Kim said...

Hee! "Who poo-pooed?" Ony a mother can ask that question with a straight face.

Now if you could come over and solve the mystery of where my teaspoons have gone. I only have 3 left, out of a set of 8.

Sabrae said...

LOL!!! You are too funny! I just loved that post!!!

Toni said...

Great post! Very funny read.

I have had a couple of sippies turn up that I just immediately put in the trash 23 months is too young for science projects!!!

Helene said...

I love your posts! I sit here just laughing and nodding my head because you know I can SOOO relate to everything you're going through!! I'm always on the search for missing sippy cups, pacis, shoes, socks...it never ends!!

And I want to know why the tiniest little poops smell so deadly while the huge blow-outs aren't as bad!!! Weird, isn't it?

Michele said...

LOL - once in a while, one of our twins will do this too. My husband calls those tiny poop nuggets
"concentrated stench."