Nighty, Night

From the "Looking Back" Series...

My husband stood at my right side telling me quietly that I could do it. My doctor was scanning Jelly Bean (a.k.a. "Little B" in the womb) and announced that the baby was transverse which meant that the baby was breach laying sideways. There was a nurse to my left and another at my feet both talking me through the pushing. With every contraction, I held my breath and pushed down as hard as I could. Peanut (a.k.a. "Little A" in the womb) was right there, but wasn't coming down even after all the work that I was doing. It was the most frustrating process that I have ever had to endure. I was working my tail off and nothing was happening.

About 40 minutes into pushing, the doctor announced we were going into the OR (operating room) where I could continue pushing and if needed they would perform a C-Section. I know they were very concerned about Jelly Bean because she wasn't even attempting to move into position. Looking back, it is so her personality. She was comfortable, knew it wasn't time, so why bother? She was living the good life in the upstairs penthouse while her sister was smashed face first in the basement.

They wheeled me into the OR while another nurse took Andy to change into scrubs. It was all so crazy and I was in so much pain that at one point, I told the nurse that I was done. I had completely lost control of my ability to stay calm and get through the painful contractions. I had prepared myself for such a long time and I really had wanted to have a natural, epidural-free delivery. I think that my failure to compose myself came from four major hiccups in my well thought out plan: 1) I never got to truly labor for a long period of time - it was like going from 0 to 60 in 5 seconds. 2) With Jelly Bean breach, I was concerned that I would end up having one natural and the other Cesarean. No one should have TWO owies. 3) When I was told there wasn't even an option for an epidural, I panicked. I was trying not to have one, but I wanted the OPTION. 4) I have learned that it is kind of ridiculous to set expectations because deliveries usually never go how anyone plans them anyway.

I pushed for a little bit more while the staff prepared the room. My husband was still not in the room and even though there were probably 5-10 people in there, I felt incredibly alone with the exception of one sweet young nurse telling me that I could do it. But as time went on, my Peanut just wasn't coming down the birth canal and Jelly Bean was unchanged, so the decision was made to perform a C-Section.

Behind me stood an anesthesiologist who was looking over me. He became my new favorite person. Since I was not able to have an epidural, it was required that I was given general anesthesia meaning that I would be asleep during the procedure. This also meant that my husband was not allowed to be in the room. The nurses were good about telling him what was going on, so he was aware of everything.

Pain and chaos continued until the kind anesthesiologist got my attention and said, "Honey, you are going to sleep now. Nighty night." And instantly I was out.